Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Hot Tea, Psychological Aches, and My Life in the Last 24 Hours

I've been short of breath since early yesterday evening for absolutely no reason.  Things are great in my life, like literally better than ever, yet I'm still having this anxiety-induced shortness of breath.  I thought after sleeping it would go away, but it came right back this morning when I woke up.  I cannot account for it and can only assume there is some deep-seated, subconscious issue that I don't even know I'm dealing with.  That last phrase was excessively redundant, as is this one, technically speaking, but just ignore my grammar nerdery, please.

Anyway, in order to deal with this shortness of breath problem, I decided to have a cup of hot tea.  Now, I haven't had a cup of hot tea in years, as in lots of years.  I have iced tea all the time (hello, Texan) but I'm a big coffee drinker, so I usually spare my want for hot liquids for coffee-time, thus the teas sit sadly and forlornly in the cabinet, all collecting dust.  But this morning, I made tea instead of coffee.  I took one sip and--I kid you not--instant tears welled up in my eyes.

I miss England.  I've had hot tea since coming back from England, but I always associate it with England, and after so long a reprieve from having it, England was of course the first thing that came to mind when I had a drink.  Speaking of, excuse me while I have another sip...

Maybe it has something to do with the three English ladies who came into the place where I work yesterday.  As soon as I heard their accents, I had to talk to them--any connection to England at this point, however feeble, will do.  We chatted and they asked me where all I got to while I was there, which sadly, is a short list on account of my meager finances at the time (student funding is cruel in its paltriness).  But we talked of Haworth and the Brontës and various other places and things I'd seen, and I told them to say hello to England for me upon their return and then we all went about our respective businesses.  It actually made me feel good talking to them.

But I'm a woman.  So, of course, it also made me sad at the same time.  I don't know if this experience is what affected me when I took that first sip of tea this morning, but the outcome was the same.  I miss that place.  There's a whole piece of my heart over there.  Like, at least the left ventricle.  And just when will I get to visit it again?

Oh, geez.

Now look what I've gone and done.  Two weepy, sentimental posts in a row.  It wasn't planned, believe me.  And just so you know, I really am super happy with everything in my life right now.  I'm having a great time with my job, with my writing, with my living situation and getting to be in Austin, my favorite city in Texas, and there are so many awesome things to look forward to in the next few days, weeks, and months.  It's just that England creeps up every now and then, and I have to have a bit of a cry about it.  I think about it every day, but the longing lamentations only come every once in a while.

Anywho, I'll end this now because my tea is getting cold and I'd like to go sit out on my balcony and write my book.


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